I'm starting to get the blah-blah-blahs. It seems to happen in every block, that point where you are over the initial excitement/nervousness, and just ready for it to be done. I've enjoyed my time in surgery, but I'm starting to question whether I'm learning anything useful at this point. You have to wonder whether it's important for me to hold a camera to see yet another gallbladder taken out, or a retractor to see another lumpectomy when these are things I'll likely never see again, and have seen many times thus far. I just need to heed the advice one of the OB residents had for me on my rotation - enjoy all these things you'll do this year as much as you can secure in the knowlege that if you hate it; you'll never have to do it again. I only have 9 more days I need to go into the hospital for this block, and that's pretty great too. I'm looking forward to heading up to the Great White North for a week to see my family. I love Christmas and I'm looking forward to celebrating.

I am getting pretty antsy to just GO somewhere I have to say. Christmas trip notwithstanding I think it might be time to plan a mini vacation...

Thankful

So, taking a cue from a friend on facebook, I thought I'd write about what I'm thankful for. First, I'm thankful for my family and friends. I could not make it through this year, or this path in life, without them and their unending support. Being able to have someone come to pick up the dogs when we need, someone to help me by cooking some dinner when I can't get home in time, people to just vent at when work is tough; these are things that are priceless and that I couldn't live without. I am so lucky.

I'm thankful that I have all my faculties and that, even though med school is hard, it is not as hard for me as it is for some. I am thankful that I don't have to study as much as some people which gives me more time with those I care about.

I'm thankful I have found such fantastic mentors all along the way that will hopefully continue to be fantastic mentors and collegues throughout my career.

I'm thankful that I can be a part of patient care. I'm thankful that even though I can't, right now, take out someone's cancer, that I have the ability to offer empathy and compassion when the others around me don't have time to do so.

I'm thankful that I didn't find out today I have pancreatic cancer, unlike my patient. I'm thankful I could be there for them when all the pieces fell apart, and I'm thankful they have a great family to be there for them as they get put back together.

A Few Things

Surgery has been a positive experience (so far) in so many ways:

1) I know what I want to be when I grow up! (No, for real this time!) Barring some life-altering event in the next year, I will be applying for a residency in Ob/Gyn. I've learned from my rotation that I love the OR. It's my favorite place in the hospital; well, favorite next to labor and delivery. I also have learned that I really don't mind heading to the hospital at 4am on a Sunday when it's to do something I enjoy. Knowing that makes the idea of a tough residency (as if any are easy) much more palatable. I've learned that I am tougher than I thought I was and that I can take what's given and smile knowing that in the end, I win! I get to do what I have wanted to do for so long.

2) I gots myself tough. Getting told you're dumb all day everyday will make it run right off ya.

3) I've learned how to be a more effective team member and, someday, a better senior resident, etc. How did I learn this? By watching what my chief does and knowing that I can do so much better. I've had some great teachers, and the people coming behind me deserve the same.

4) One handed knot tying is sexy.

5) Having a beer after 3 nights of call is the best beer you'll ever have!

Keepin on.

Wow.

That was a long night.

24 hour shifts are for the birds.

Trauma surgery is for a tougher person than I.

And getting hit by a car looks like almost the worst experience a person could have.

I'll write more later when I have more wits about me.

Terrified.

Tomorrow night I will take a night of trauma call at the infamously busy Denver Health Medical Center. I'm freaked out. More than that, really. But this too will pass.....

Why did I want to do that?

So I am on my anesthesia week, and clearly when I decided a long time ago I wanted to be an anesthesiologist, I was not thinking. I don't like it. It's not a bad week, the days are short, the people are (mostly) nice, but...the patients are asleep. Universally (almost!). I also have started to believe the addage of anesthesia - 90% boredom, 10% panic. They are amazing critical care docs. They can stick a breathing tube in faster than anyone in the hospital. They can get access to pretty much any vein, or artery, for a line when it's needed. If you are really sick, you want an anesthesiologist around, even if you never have to actually know they are there. But do I want to be one? No. I got to intubate today, and I really didn't like it. Something about shoving a giant tube down someone's throat just rubs me the wrong way. It's good, I suppose, to knock a few choices off the list, and start to narrow down what it is I want to do, but something about watching my attending get to work at 7 and leave at 1:30 in the afternoon makes me wish I could find a redeeming quality. I just don't think I can.