Part Deux

Wow.

I'm done.

Not with finals, and I know that I still have a lot of work to do, but I'm done. I'm done attending obnoxious small groups for the year, I'm done listening to terrible lecturers for the year, I'm done going to school for the year. And it is awesome.

Now, I should think that knowing I have a very difficult weekend (week really) ahead of me, I wouldn't be ready to celebrate just yet. But I would be thinking wrong. Being in school this long has made me approach things in a very goal oriented manner. And I've decided that this is not the best path to mental health. Bear with me for a moment of psychology brough to you by LG. Being so goal oriented has made me a very focused person, it's true, but has it made me a happy person? Sometimes. And sometimes isn't good enough. When all you do is focus on goals, it gets really easy to focus on what's coming up in the future, and really easy to forget about all the great stuff that's happening right now. Even the little stuff is great, really, but it gets swept under the rug when you have something big and huge looming in the distance. So, starting today, I'm making a concerted effort to focus on the good that happens every day, without forgetting about those big things that stand looming. And today, that means relaxing and enjoying the fact that even though I have more to come, today is a milestone in and of itself.

So, being the enormous nerd that I am, my small group and I are meeting for a "fluid and electrolyte conference" at a bar this afternoon. Clever, eh, studying the kidneys and all...

Great afternoon!

So there comes a time when things are really stressful where you just step back and realize that it is more exciting to be done than it is stressful to get there. That's where I've been since I walked out of class this morning. We had a really light hearted small group (am I feeling alright, I usually hate these things...) that made me realize how glad we all are to be finished with one year of med school. And not only that, but we've really learned a lot. It wasn't all stress for no pay off.

After small group I drove downtown to meet up with my dad, who is in town for work. I figured I would rather go get him downtown in the middle of the day than during rush hour, so I'm spending my afternoon studying in his hotel room. His room is amazing. I hope someday I get put up in a cool place for work. It's right on the 16th St. Mall and it's attached to the Rialto Cafe (where I just happened to have my bachelorette party!). So I spend about an hour while my dad's been in a meeting sipping this gorgeous teeny and people watching in Denver. It couldn't be a more beautiful day for it either!



So I better get back to work or this will truly be a day wasted and I'll regret it over the weekend. For those of you keeping score, there's really only 3 days left, two days of class and one day for a test. There should be 4 but since the final is take home, I won't be making it in. Pity.

Worries

I worry too much. I know this. Probably always have, but med school has brought out a new kind of worry monster from me. My worry d'jour is the one probably everyone has. The worry about the future. I worry about what is going to be expected of me.

I know that I am SOOOOO looking forward to 3rd year and moving toward less nightly studying and more "on the job" training. But with that comes a different kind of expectation. Attendings, residents, and most people in general, expect you to be there all the time, and give up the rest of your life to do it. Don't believe me? Ask yourself about the last time your doc didn't get back to you when you thought they should have. Or that time you couldn't actually talk with the doctor when you called the office. Did you think, "good for that doc for having a life of their own. Way to keep life in balance!" ? Or did you think: "Damn doctor. They never really care about their patients. They're all overpaid and underworked."? My money's on the latter. And it scares me.

All I ever wanted was a good profession to complement a good life. But sometimes I worry that I'm in way too deep and don't fully comprehend what I've gotten myself into.

Finals await

So today I got up early and made myself a simple breakfast and now I'm ready to hit the books. We only have one more week of class and it's not even a full week. Thursday is my last day of class as a first year medical student. Sweet. After Thursday we have 5 days off to study for finals week. This is excellent news on many levels, but particularly on the level of what our final exam will now entail.

A week from Wednesday we have our first exam. It's not a true final, it's only over the renal system. I have been dreading this exam since I got into med school because I know how hard kidneys can be having taught "baby-renal phys" to undergrads. And I do mean baby renal. Nothing too hard, but it was still complicated! So I imagine most of my effort will go into that exam. If I get a 90 on it, I only need a 67% on the last final to honor and end the year on a truly good note. And that last final is gonna be a doozy.

It's take-home. It's to be completed online. So these are good things. But only 50% is open book, the rest is closed book, closed notes. I have no idea how many questions it is, but since it allows 3 hours for the closed book portion and unlimited (within 48 hours) time for the open book, I imagine it isn't A)easy or B)short. Hence the importance of blowing renal out of the water. And the best part about the final is that we can do it at any time we deem worthy between Wednesday at noon when our renal exam is over and Friday at noon when the final is scheduled to end. My goal, as of this morning, is to have it done by Thursday night so I can enjoy myself like crazy for one night then get my house seriously clean because we are having company!

My mom and sister are coming out at about 1 on Friday and I was nervous about getting them set up in the guest room/pull out couch after spending a week destroying the extra bedroom studying my booty off for Finals. This schedule will definitely help with that dilemma.

And in other news of seeing family, my dad is coming out to D-town on business this week and I'm picking him up to come see our house. Only my sis has seen our new digs since we moved in over a year ago, and seeing as my fam is so far away (they live on the frozen tundra up north...) I sometimes worried they wouldn't see my house for a really long time, or at least until we have kids. Then it won't look nearly as clean and nice. I was about the messiest kid I have ever met (to this day) growing up, so the fact that I can keep a house clean, even in the presence of an incredibly sheddy dog, and during med school (owing in no small part to J) makes me proud, and since I don't really have anything to hang on the fridge anymore, this will have to do!

Anyway, I'm sure I'll need lots of study breaks. Intense though the kidneys may be, they are far from page turners.

6 days and I am one quarter MD. Awesome.

My Day = Made!

You have to check out this click on YouTube. I know it pokes a whole lot of fun at my chosen profession, but it is hilarious. Totally made my day.

Anesthesiologists Melody

Luck is Running Out

My amazing immune system is starting to let me down. I know this is partly my fault. For all my preaching I did not get a flu shot this year and I'm afraid it might be coming back to bite me. Before you judge me too harshly, I was trying to get pregnant for the majority of the year and didn't want to risk any trouble. Trouble found me anyway, and in retrospect I should have just taken the damn shot.

Hopefully it's not really the flu. Hopefully I just need a couple of extra long nights of sleep and then I'll be back on my feet. Either way, it's looking to be yet another long, crappy weekend, but oh well.

Eight more days. (7 and a half really, today's class is almost over)

Nine days and counting

So my fake empathy paid off! I had my digital review and it went really well. Apparently, I am not meant to be a radiologist/pathologist/bad doctor. Bonus.

On the down side I have so much studying to do I may never see the light of day again. And when I looked in my rear view mirror today as I drove home I realized that I looked every inch as tired as I felt and that was an incredibly scary revelation.

And to end on a good note, we tried a new recipe for dinner and it was awesome! It was really easy too. It's called Moraccan Stewed Chicken and I got the recipe out of J's Men's Health. Let me know if you're interested, I'll post the recipe the next time I have it in front of me.

I hope everyone's week is plugging along stress-free. If it is not stress-free I will be happy to feel some real empathy for you if you are so inclined.