Holiday break!

The holidays are finally here! Last night we had an early Christmas dinner with J's family and tomorrow we leave for the great White North. I'm so looking forward to seeing my family! There are just some parts of holidays from home that really resonate with you and make them sseem more like holidays. That and we'll most definitely have a white Christmas! Hopefully I'll be more motivated to blog when we get back. Have a great holiday!!

2/3

Well, tomorrow this time I will be done with surgery, for now. Feeling under the weather has made me do the one thing I vowed would not happen during third year....I missed work. And I mean a fair amount of work. Enough work to be forced to make it up after 3rd year is over. Blah. Of course this happens when I have just made a sparkly schedule for 4th year (at least an outline in my head) that would maximize my chances for a Denver residency. But oh, well. All is not lost I that front I think. I'll just need to come up with a slightly different timing.

If I don't include the time I need to make up for surgery, I have 16 short weeks separating me from the end of my clinical 3rd year experience. I know it seems silly that I would be counting that down. This is what I want to do, no? Well, yes and no. Ever since I let myself come to the concusion, the very real conclusion, that the only area of medicine that will really make me happy is OB/Gyn, I find it much harder to get excited about the upcoming internal medicine rotation. Family practice should be better, I might actually get to deliver a baby and do women's health-y things during that block. Fourth year is going to be much more exciting as I will be doing the things that I want to do for a living. Now I'm pretty much 2/3 of the way through my 3rd year and really looking forward to the future.

And all along the way I still have my preceptor visits. Today is an exam day and I'm still going in to see him. I just learn so much from even watching him interact with his patients. Not to mention it's a once a week dose of what I want to do.

I'm also super pumped to head up North to see the fam for Christmas. I am excited for the change of scenery, even if the change is to a flat, white expanse that's so cold the exhaust from the relatively few cars hangs in the air like a San Fransisco fog. But more importantly my fam is part of that change of scenery and I'm excited to see them. Lots of relaxing, baking and Wii playing.

Of course, I still have a week of class on "Death and Grief." So cheery for the holidays. Great timing school of medicine - well done.

I'm starting to get the blah-blah-blahs. It seems to happen in every block, that point where you are over the initial excitement/nervousness, and just ready for it to be done. I've enjoyed my time in surgery, but I'm starting to question whether I'm learning anything useful at this point. You have to wonder whether it's important for me to hold a camera to see yet another gallbladder taken out, or a retractor to see another lumpectomy when these are things I'll likely never see again, and have seen many times thus far. I just need to heed the advice one of the OB residents had for me on my rotation - enjoy all these things you'll do this year as much as you can secure in the knowlege that if you hate it; you'll never have to do it again. I only have 9 more days I need to go into the hospital for this block, and that's pretty great too. I'm looking forward to heading up to the Great White North for a week to see my family. I love Christmas and I'm looking forward to celebrating.

I am getting pretty antsy to just GO somewhere I have to say. Christmas trip notwithstanding I think it might be time to plan a mini vacation...

Thankful

So, taking a cue from a friend on facebook, I thought I'd write about what I'm thankful for. First, I'm thankful for my family and friends. I could not make it through this year, or this path in life, without them and their unending support. Being able to have someone come to pick up the dogs when we need, someone to help me by cooking some dinner when I can't get home in time, people to just vent at when work is tough; these are things that are priceless and that I couldn't live without. I am so lucky.

I'm thankful that I have all my faculties and that, even though med school is hard, it is not as hard for me as it is for some. I am thankful that I don't have to study as much as some people which gives me more time with those I care about.

I'm thankful I have found such fantastic mentors all along the way that will hopefully continue to be fantastic mentors and collegues throughout my career.

I'm thankful that I can be a part of patient care. I'm thankful that even though I can't, right now, take out someone's cancer, that I have the ability to offer empathy and compassion when the others around me don't have time to do so.

I'm thankful that I didn't find out today I have pancreatic cancer, unlike my patient. I'm thankful I could be there for them when all the pieces fell apart, and I'm thankful they have a great family to be there for them as they get put back together.

A Few Things

Surgery has been a positive experience (so far) in so many ways:

1) I know what I want to be when I grow up! (No, for real this time!) Barring some life-altering event in the next year, I will be applying for a residency in Ob/Gyn. I've learned from my rotation that I love the OR. It's my favorite place in the hospital; well, favorite next to labor and delivery. I also have learned that I really don't mind heading to the hospital at 4am on a Sunday when it's to do something I enjoy. Knowing that makes the idea of a tough residency (as if any are easy) much more palatable. I've learned that I am tougher than I thought I was and that I can take what's given and smile knowing that in the end, I win! I get to do what I have wanted to do for so long.

2) I gots myself tough. Getting told you're dumb all day everyday will make it run right off ya.

3) I've learned how to be a more effective team member and, someday, a better senior resident, etc. How did I learn this? By watching what my chief does and knowing that I can do so much better. I've had some great teachers, and the people coming behind me deserve the same.

4) One handed knot tying is sexy.

5) Having a beer after 3 nights of call is the best beer you'll ever have!

Keepin on.

Wow.

That was a long night.

24 hour shifts are for the birds.

Trauma surgery is for a tougher person than I.

And getting hit by a car looks like almost the worst experience a person could have.

I'll write more later when I have more wits about me.

Terrified.

Tomorrow night I will take a night of trauma call at the infamously busy Denver Health Medical Center. I'm freaked out. More than that, really. But this too will pass.....